6 Types of Facebook Friends We All Have

By Max Berman on June 4, 2016

By now, you’ve most likely gotten into the routine of settling back on the couch after a long day of work, pouring a glass of wine and sitting back and catching up with what everyone’s doing on Facebook. You’ve got the young woman who moved away in middle school, now involved in local pyramid schemes with the unrelenting urge to voice her opinion on politics in the digital realm. There’s the “bro” who’s still “grinding”, and sharing corvette memes as well as pictures of hangs at the local movie theatre and ice cream parlour. Even though we may all have different online friends, we have those special someones who brighten up our newsfeed everyday.

Grindin’ Gary

“Wake up and smell the money” is most likely their last status update, or something along the lines of wealth and success. This is the guy who may or may not have gone to college, but will definitely let you know that they’re up to something financially. Whether it be a picture with a rented car, or flexing on their aunt’s beachside balcony, he’ll make sure to let you know that they’re up much  earlier than you working and immensely more successful. This type may also be prone to posting “success” memes, and most likely still lives with their parents.

Mission Trip Mary

Not a necessarily negative type, Mission Trip Mary brings joy to your feed and makes you realize you should be doing so much more with your life (for a split second and then you see a cute video of a dog). She is usually volunteering across the globe and only uses Facebook to keep in contact with friends and family every few weeks. While she may not update frequently, she’s an important dynamic of your feed. Without Mary, you’d think the entire world has gone to shit. It’s nice to see someone has dedicated to making the world a better place, even if it’s not you.

Selfie Sam

Selfie Sam can be of either gender, but what we have here is essentially someone who feels the need to capture every moment and post it to all social media. Typically, we see the crossover from Snapchat to Facebook happen here. Their content will most likely include pictures of music festivals, go pro shots, and the blatant use of selfie sticks as an accessory. Along with this, they may sometimes feel the urge to share memes regarding wanderlust and the way to live “authentically”, because snapchatting is totally living in the moment.

Go Fund Me Girl

Looking for her next tropical getaway or concert tickets, go fund me girl is constantly asking for “shares” on her link, as well as donations to make her summer totally “unforgettable”. Definitely an interesting type, and I’ve personally seen it range from tickets to see a Broadway Show to money for a Fiji getaway. A truly incredible species, even if the first donation round totally tanks, she’ll be back next week. Definitely the resilient type, and someone who’s persistence may just get them far in life!

Ivy League Ivan

Ivan’s one of those friends that you hover between friending and unfriending, lurking and ignoring. It’s nothing personal against him, you may have even been close friends at some point. Ivan’s issue is the crushing feeling of inadequacy you get when logging onto your profile, just trying to de-stress. You may have just gotten an A in the hardest class of the semester, but Ivan has just been accepted to Yale. You admire him from afar, yet hate him at the same time. He’ll never know of your tumultuous relationship, but you keep it alive through self-loathing as well as immense lurking after midnight.

 Totally Into Being A Mom Tina

This is regardless of age, but we all have one Tina on our friends list. The one person that is so obsessed with being a mother and having a child that you’ve practically watched them grow up yourself. Their profile is usually updated at least twice a day, varying from stages of the child’s growth. There’s the excitement upon the official pregnancy, possibly a facebook reveal video which then leads to multiple posts about staying healthy while pregnant and an increase in the sharing of viral cooking videos. Once the actual bump starts showing, then begins the bombardment of pictures and it’s seemingly never- ending from there. Upon delivery, Facebook takes a different tone with that only of sentimental pictures of said child, as well as more memes about being a mother/childcare, etc. Even though you want to be upset with Tina for clogging your newsfeed, you can’t help but smile when you see that adorable baby, and for that we love Tina.

Max Berman is a junior at Florida State University where he is majoring in Editing, Writing, and Media. Along with writing, he is pursuing his recently launched clothing line and collaborative art gallery. Besides this, he's obsessed with early 2000's TV shows and backpacking around the world.

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